Response to “We will not lose our love, our marriage, OVER HAIR”

25 Oct

I had a completely different post that I was going to work on today and then I read this article on “We will not lose our love, our marriage, OVER HAIR”


-married 5+ years

-pregnant – 5 months now – with…second child

-been natural almost 1 year

-husband calls and tells her they need to talk then says this:

” “WE NEED TO SPLIT UP.” Huh? What? Where is this coming from? Instant flood of tears and hyperventilating.

He never wanted me to go natural. He doesn’t like “nappy” hair. He likes straight hair. He felt that I had totally ignored his feelings by going natural in the first place, but the fact that I’ve stayed natural, despite his disdain, is even worse. It doesn’t matter that everyone else around us likes my hair. He is my husband and his opinion should matter most. When he married me I had long, straight hair. He’s not attracted to me anymore because of my hair, and therefore he felt that the best solution was to split up, instead of being disgusted with the sight of me daily. But if I straighten my hair (it doesn’t have to be a relaxer), then everything will be ok and go back to normal. Blah, blah, blah.”

-She writes out her feelings & questions for him:

“…Are you willing to give up our love, sex, family, home, future plans… all because of my hair?! NO, NEVER.

My response was: Then I cannot, WILL NOT get a chemical relaxer. So what is your REAL problem?

His response was: Well, it’s just that all the “different” styles you have been doing have been “nappy” styles. Can you please do some straight styles, and do them more often?

Of course! Why didn’t you say that in the first place boy?!

Ever since then, we’ve been back in love like usual. He touches my “nappy” hair and tells me I’m beautiful. And I still haven’t done a straight style yet, although I do plan to keep my promise – to prevent another childish rant.

Conclusion: Turns out, he just did a really horrible job of expressing his feelings. And I did a really horrible job of acknowledging his feelings. We will not lose our love, our marriage, our life together… OVER HAIR.”

My response/reaction: So my 1st response to this was, “what kind of man is he…” I don’t know a man that is THAT interested in their woman’s hair to actually split up their marriage?!?! Are you kidding me?!  She concluded that he did a bad job expressing his feelings…however, I think the root of his problem is that he has control issues and if that is the case, she needs to be careful.  A controlling man can turn into something ugly very quickly.  I’m glad she wrote out her feelings/questions (that’s an excellent thing to do so that you don’t just GO OFF) and I’m glad they worked it out.  We definitely have to take a deeper look at what we said when we took those marriage vows to our spouse before God, our family & friends.  Marriage isn’t a joke and OPEN COMMUNICATION is key to any situation.  We can not be so quick to just run away from a situation because we don’t “like” it.  Lastly, if you have children, remember that you are the example that they see everyday and they are learning every second by your actions on how to love & care for a spouse so PLEASE show them the best example that you can be!

Have you experienced a break-up or negativity from a spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend because of your hair?

© Ashley Brown and 24sevencurls, 2011. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material, documents, and images without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ashley Brown and 24sevencurls with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

6 Responses to “Response to “We will not lose our love, our marriage, OVER HAIR””

  1. Marsha October 25, 2011 at 2:43 PM #

    Wow!!! Great article. I Seriously believe there is more to it than the husband is actually saying. Seriously, it’s hair.

    • mrsashb October 25, 2011 at 4:27 PM #

      exactly! who seriously does this? smh

  2. Lisa October 25, 2011 at 3:19 PM #

    Me too. There’s more going on here- he’s just blaming her hair.

    • mrsashb October 25, 2011 at 4:27 PM #

      I’m gonna need a marriage update from them in about 3-6 months. He better stop stressing her, those babies & get himself together

  3. Ronnie B October 25, 2011 at 5:41 PM #

    She conveniently leaves out the part about her and the milk man…lol


  1. My nappy is happy | Appreciating and loving the natural you! - November 7, 2011

    […] Response to “We will not lose our love, our marriage, OVER HAIR” ( […]

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