“Excuse Me, But I Can’t See Around Your BIG Hair!”

6 Nov

“Excuse me, but I can’t see around your BIG hair, can you move to the back of the room?!”

BIG hair, don't care!

This statement came about on a couple of Facebook posts from a friend that will remain anonymous.  Basically, this person was in a classroom every week and it seemed that the girl with the “BIG hair” would always sit in front of her and she couldn’t see anything around her.  So, she began taking pictures of the back of the girl’s head and posting it to her Facebook profile.  People commented on the pictures saying different things:

“LOL!”
“is that a bush?!”
“that’s a nappy headed…..I forget the rest”
“I think that’s where they hid Jimmy Hoffa”
“is that hair? take a razor to that thing!”
“is that real hair or a wig?!”
“you definitely have to tell them to move to the back”

There were many more comments, all from people who do not have big hair.  So, I read through it and wasn’t too offended because nothing too nasty was stated and I understood where my friend was coming from because I do have big hair and I KNOW it’s big and can get in the way. I think about that when I find a seat at church or the movies etc. I’ll even just turn around and ask the person behind me if they can see because I know it can be in the way.

However, clearly this was an African-American woman who probably will never see these pictures of the back of her head and will never hear about these comments about her hair.  She had pretty hair too, it may have been a wig because it looked exactly the same in every pic (I can’t get my hair to do that).  But like I said before, none of the commenter’s were people with big hair so I figured I’d let my friend know my own suggestion/thoughts just based off of what I read and if I was in the “big hair” girl’s shoes.  My response to her:

“I understand what you mean with not being able to see around this big hair but I guess I’m on the opposite end because I have big hair too (that’s just the way it is naturally). I try to take that into consideration when I choose a seat at church or sometimes I’ll just ask the person behind me can they see. This girl has pretty hair by the way, it may be a wig but it’s pretty nonetheless. I’d suggest to avoid any conflict that you just move to the front of the room then you don’t have to worry about the mouthful that you may receive from asking the girl to move to the back of the room because of her hair.  It probably wouldn’t be a good idea to show her that you’ve been taking pictures of her hair each week and posting them on your FB page for all of your friends to see.  You may end up getting a mouthful because we tend to have to deal with this on a regular basis hence the comments on all these pictures.”

I wasn’t trying to be rude and I didn’t want to get into all the implications of the black girl with the big hair having to move to the ‘back’ of the room and everything Jim Crow, civil rights etc that can go along with that…it’s facebook and it’s not that deep (I know the girl from high school and she’s really a nice person & I get it, she just plain couldn’t see).  But I believe I got my point across to her because she immediately apologized to me in a personal message and deleted the comments & pics from her page saying:

“I totally see now that those pictures could be offensive to people. I was not thinking about how it could come off….I am sorry” :(😦

I wasn’t expecting her to delete everything but that was a nice gesture, so maybe I did a good thing to broaden the mindset of 1 more person, even if it was only a little bit.  I try to avoid conflict most times because it’s usually not worth the effort/time but I do speak my mind when I feel it’s necessary or to help someone out, give them a different way of looking at things so this is my message to you:

*In a polite & educated way, speak your mind, get your point across, but 1st examine yourself and try to see things from the other person’s perspective.  If you have BIG hair like me, take other people into consideration and don’t just sit in the front of the room where people can’t see around you, it’s ok to sit to the side sometimes, you know everyone will notice your BEAUTIFUL BIG hair regardless of where you sit. “Big hair don’t care!” (but do care a little bit)  🙂

Was there a time when you felt that you should speak out about something and didn’t? Felt you missed your opportunity and wish you could go back or do you always speak your mind on every issue at hand?

© Ashley Brown and 24sevencurls, 2011. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material, documents, and images without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ashley Brown and 24sevencurls with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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